今天忙嗎？來笑一個……「喜樂的心乃是良藥」
老公：唔好叫我洗碗得唔得啊？
老婆：小小事就試到氣，啲碗一早洗咗啦！
老公：我係講笑咋，其實我好樂意做家務㗎！
老婆：我都係講笑咋，啲碗其實未洗。
好心嘅阿爸為咗鼓勵個仔勤力讀書，應承佢如果考到100分，就送㗎車俾佢。結果，個仔考0分。
阿爸問：成個學期你做咩嘢呀？
阿仔答：我去咗學車囉。
兒：媽，俾100元我。
媽：唔得。
兒：妳俾100元我，我就話俾妳聽，今日阿爸同女嫞講咩嘢。
母一聽：連忙拿了100元出來。
兒：阿爸說，別忘了燙衫。
甲很迷信，凡事都要問風水先生。
一日，牆忽然倒塌，把他壓著，他大叫救命。
他老婆說：老公，你忍耐一下，我現在去問風水先生，看今天宜不宜動土。
幼稚園老師教小朋友認識公雞：
老師：哪一種動物有兩隻腳，每天太陽出來時會叫，而且叫到你起床為止
小朋友異口同聲大叫：媽媽！
某日，媽媽帶囡囡睇馬騮：
囡囡話：隻馬騮好似 Daddy！
媽媽教訓佢：點可以咁講？
囡囡：冇所謂啦！反正馬騮聽唔明
東東在街上拾到一隻戒指：
老師問：東東，這隻戒指是拾到的，為什麼不把它物歸原主？
東東：因為戒指上刻著永遠是妳的！
有位女士每日都給隧道內的瞎子10元，一日，瞎子旁多了位小孩，便問他：你爸爸什麼時候開始瞎的？
小孩回答：早上10點到下午9點。
有一天，程子南和媽媽在客廳看電視，突然門鈴作響，媽媽跑去開門。
門外來了一個有鬚的男人，這時程子南也跟了過來。媽媽便對程子南說：「叫爸爸喇！」
程子南心在想，很奇怪，我為何要叫他爸爸？所以程子南不出聲。這時媽媽見程子南不出聲，又大聲對程子南說：「快叫爸爸！」
程子南還是不肯出聲。這時媽媽生氣了，打了程子南一巴掌並對他說：「快叫爸爸！」
這時程子南只好哭著對有鬚的男人喊：「嗚嗚……爸爸」
這時媽媽哭笑不得地對程子南說：「誰叫你叫他爸爸！」「我是叫你去叫你爸爸出來繳電費呀！」
大家唔好忍住唔笑……
有一天魔王擄走公主。公主一直大叫。
魔王：你儘管叫破喉嚨吧，沒有人會來救你。
公主：破喉嚨……破喉嚨……
沒有人：公主，我來救你了。
魔王：說曹操，曹操就到！
曹操：魔王，你叫我幹什麼？
魔王：嘩！見鬼！
鬼：弊！被發現了。
弊：胡說，誰發現我了？
誰：關我屁事？
魔 王：Oh，my God。
God：誰叫我？
誰：沒有人叫你！
沒有人：我哪有？
據說魔王從此得了精神分裂症……
Message from Malaysia
Here is a very interesting fact!!
Brazil last won the world cup in 1994.
Before that they won it in 1970.
Add 1970 and 1994, it equals 3964.
Argentina last won the world cup in 1986.
Before that they won it in 1978.
Add 1978 and 1986, it equals 3964.
Germany last won in 1990.
Before that they won in 1974.
Add 1990 and 1974, it equals 3964.
So going by this logic, the winner of the 2002 world cup is the same as the 3964 - 2002 = 1962 world cup.
The 1962 world cup was won by Brazil!
Malaysian fans too have reason to rejoice:
Malaysia has never won the world cup so we'll probably win it in the Year 3964.
弟兄 A 去完旅遊回香港，落機後第一件事當然是取回自己的行李啦。不過一共有兩件行李，而他只取了一件就離開了機場，然後去找弟兄 B 食飯。當他終於發覺自己遺留了一件行李在機場時，就馬上同弟兄 B 一齊返回機場詢問有關人事。有一位服務員口音似乎是內地人的阿姐指導他們。
服務員說：你們搭 Lift 上樓上搵「國太」就得架喇！
弟兄A,B：嘩！乜嗰個「國太」咁有地位嘅，在機場裡有困難就可以找她幫忙？
弟兄A,B：乜搵咗咁耐都無「國太」這個人嘅？
最後他們終於醒覺了！那個可以幫他們找得行李的人就是……
Cathy Pacific（國泰）
一位的士司機告訴小弟的：
一日，一名的士司機接載了一位乘客，乘客上車後以極不純正廣東話說：「旺角侏儒村丫。」
司機：「吓？」
乘客：「我話旺角侏儒村。」
司機：（拗哂頭）「侏儒村？」
乘客：「係呀，侏儒村呀，好多嘢賣好出名㗎噃。」
於是司機用對講機問 Call 台：「嗯，旺角侏儒村點去呀？」
Call 台：「？你玩嘢呀？旺角邊有侏儒村㗎？」
司機大惑不解，唯有不恥下問，要求乘客帶路。
乘客：「哎呀，揸的士都唔知，等我指你去啦……」
經過一輪指指點點後，到達目的地。
乘客：「嗱！呢度咪係儒村囉！」
司機一看即時昏倒，因為那兒是……
G2000
爸：兒啊！我賺的錢快不夠開支了。
兒：那怎麼辦？
爸：我想到一個辦法，就是減少你兄弟倆的零用錢，你倆的零用錢其它小朋友都要多呢！
兒：那……也沒有辦法，我也明白這個道理。
爸：我兒真乖。
兒：但是，爸，我恐怕弟弟可能不會同意，我知道正在儲錢要買玩具耶。
爸：要是他不同意會怎樣？
兒：他可能會跑到媽那裡抗議，甚至會跑到爺爺那裡告你一狀。
爸：那可不好辦呢！讓我想想。
爸抱頭苦思了一會，忽然靈光一閃，想出了一條絕妙計謀。
爸：成了，兒啊！我可以立一條家規，規定我這次減零用錢時你們不得抗議或告狀。哈！我真聰明，似這樣的妙計我也想得出來。
兒：那不成！爸，要是你這樣立家規，那以後豈不是可以隨便禁止我們吃糖果或者……
爸：放心吧！我保證，只此一次。
兒：……我就怕你以後不提「只此一次」，會當它為不存在呢！
爸：……
兒：為甚麼不跟弟弟商量呢？我不贊成立家規，而且媽也不會同意呢！
爸：這你放心，你媽不能不同意，因為如果她不同意的話，我就不給她家用！哈我實在太聰明了！哈哈哈！
聯合國給全世界的小朋友出了一道題：
「對於其他國家糧食短缺的問題，請你談談自己的看法？」
非洲的小朋友看完題目後不知道什麼叫「糧食」
歐洲的小朋友不知道什麼叫「短缺」
亞洲的小朋友不知道什麼叫「自己的看法」
拉美的小朋友不知道什麼叫「請」
美國的小朋友不知道什麼叫「其他國家」
This just in - straight out of the Harvard Business Review.
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
A turkey was chatting with a bull." "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions." The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be a Boss any asshole will do.
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lessons:
我醒起我家姐我講的一件靈異事件……
話說我家姐有個朋友──友人A，佢就有一個三歲左右大的小朋友，有一日他發
現他的兒子在窗口邊揮手邊說︰「拜拜伯伯！」，那麼友人A最初都不以為然……以
為兒子跟街外的看更伯說話（因為他住低層），但又覺兒子每次都在黃昏左右會這樣做
WO……但又見看不到窗外有人……友人A越諗越驚啦……於是就問他兒子跟誰拜拜啦……
個仔就答佢「同伯伯囉！」
友人A又問「出面無人WO？你跟哪個伯伯說呀？」兒子一直指著出面邊答他……
「那個伯伯囉！太陽伯伯呀！」