夫：「為什麼漂亮的女人都不願意生孩子呢？」
妻：「因為她們都是『絕代』佳人麻！」
兇辣狠毒的瑪歌太太問她的老公：
「你到底愛不愛我呢？」
「愛啊！」
「你是不是怕傷害我才這麼說的！」
「不，我是怕你傷害我！」
住在美國北方的一對夫妻，相約在工作後的週末，前往南方佛羅里達度假。先生因參加全國性會議，先行南下，會議結束，即就近訂房、租車安排旅遊事項，等妻子前來。先生一住進旅館，便利用房內的網際網路電視，送了封電子信給太太。遠在北方的妻子卻沒有收到這封信，因為大意的先生在收信人住址欄少寫了一個字母。
這封電子信陰錯陽差的送到一位剛喪偶的中年婦女的電子信箱裡。這位婦女剛為她先生辦完告別式，一回到家，想收個信，也發個電子郵件感謝親存的關心，不料信一收進來，她一看之下，大叫一聲就昏過去了。兒女聽到母親的叫聲，急忙趕來看發生仕什麼事，他們一邊急救，一邊想瞭解到底怎麼回事；只見打開的電子郵件寫著：「親愛的，我已經到了下面啦，也為你打理好一切要用的東西，多虧網際網路的盛行，在這裡也能收發 Email。快來吧，我已經開始想念你了。P.S. 這兒真的很熱。」
Question: What is the height of globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was high on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles,treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines! And this is sent to you by a Malaysian, using Bill Gates' technology which he stole from the Japanese. And you are probably reading this on one of the IBM clones that use Taiwanese-made chips, and Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore planttransported by lorries driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally sold to you by Chinamen! Globalisation!
中國有些產品說明標籤很智障，信不信由你，以下是一些產品標籤上的說明：
我相信，每個人都有被狗吠的經驗，
或在街頭、或在訪友……，有時連主人都管不住。
那麼，當你遇上對你汪汪不已的狗狗時， 如何讓狗安靜下來哩？
有個好方法介紹給大家：
當狗狗喊「汪﹙One﹚！」時， 你只要對牠回「吐(Two)！」
這時，狗狗會因為無法回應你「Three！」
就會很慚愧地停止對你吼叫了。
問：我們稱呼別人冇身材叫微波爐，稱呼別人勁黑仔叫媒氣爐，稱呼別人污穢叫多士爐（多屎爐），那麼如果稱呼別人樣衰叫什麼爐？
答：Juno
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe, but you ask me how I spell it!
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."
Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute 5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks.
"I musta got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl, 'cause Mommy's still got hers."
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull are grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first
美國人要當世界警察，先是推翻塔利班政權，現在又要解放伊拉克。塔利班給攆走後，阿富汗男人不用再留鬍子，女人可以上學。只是在街頭，陌生男女依然不得交談，女人還沒得到徹底解放。
有這樣一個笑話，一個女記者想知道，戰後阿富汗女人的身分有多大改變，專程跑去當地採訪。她發覺以前阿富汗女人出外，總跟在男人背後十呎，而今倒是女人走在男人前頭十呎。「為甚麼？」她問。街上一個女人答道：「我老公害怕踩地雷。」
眼下布殊又要依樣葫蘆解放伊拉克，行嗎？有個網上笑話就挖苦他智商不高。
一架飛機出事，機上五個乘客要逃生，降落傘不巧僅有四個。五人當中一個是NBA籃球明星高比拜恩。「湖人隊不能少了我，我不能死。」說完就跳傘走。第二個乘客是希拉莉克林頓，說：「我曾是第一夫人，現在是議員，將來是總統，我不能死。」說完也跳傘。接是布殊：「我是美國有史以來最有智慧的總統，我也不能死。」
機上只餘下教宗和一個小學生。教宗對她說：「孩子，我反正來日無多，剩下這降落傘你拿去吧。」小女生說：「謝謝，不必啦。剛才布殊總統拿走我的背包，以為是降落傘呢。」